Jokes / Occasions

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I'd Love To But...(Pt III) ->

More goofy excuses you can use to get out of going somewhere you just don't wanna go to. I'D LOVE TO BUT... ... I have to go to court for kitty littering." ... I have to jog my memory." ... I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity baz... [ca造 ->]

I'd Love To But...(Pt II) ->

More goofy excuses you can use to get out of going somewhere you just don't wanna go to. I'D LOVE TO BUT... ...I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. ...I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products. ...I have to floss m... [ca造 ->]

I'd Love To But... ->

Next time you're invited to a boring social event, try one of these excuses to why you can't attend: I'D LOVE TO BUT... ... I don't want to leave my comfort zone. ... I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. ... I have to a... [ca造 ->]

Holiday Season Conduct... ->

Conduct During the Holiday Season... Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long di... [ca造 ->]

A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version) ->

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent... [ca造 ->]

A REALLY Bad Day - True Story! ->

A REALLY Bad Day So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcyc... [ca造 ->]

All I want for Cristmas... ->

About two weeks before Christmas, a little Catholic boy decided to write a letter to Santa. He started "Dear Santa...", he thought "No, I will go to a higher authority", so he decided to write a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike ... [ca造 ->]

Bad Jeeves...BAD! ->

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, how... [ca造 ->]

Bloomingdales! ->

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments. As part of these arrangements she met with her Rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc. She told her rabbi she ... [ca造 ->]

Cristmas Quiz ->

If athletes get athlete's foot, astronauts get missile toe. A bird dog could be called a point setter. James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel The Deer Sleigher. What's the difference between a one-winged angel... [ca造 ->]

Dear God (Christmas) ->

Johnny was, by all accounts, the worst eight year old kid on earth. He stole, lied, beat-up his sister, just about any trouble this kid could get into, he did. Nonetheless, Johnny wanted a bicycle for Christmas. Johnny goes to his mother and dema... [ca造 ->]

Diary of a New Snow Shoveler ->

Decenber 8th 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we fe... [ca造 ->]

Even more facts of life... ->

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that'... [ca造 ->]

Why White? ->

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well... [ca造 ->]

Why Black? ->

A woman was getting married. She entered the church wearing a black wedding gown that surprised everyone. The pastor was a bit annoyed and asked her, "Why are you dressed up in black?" The woman replied, "Well, that's because I'm not a virgin."... [ca造 ->]