Jokes / Bar Jokes

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BAR TROUBLESHOOTING CHART ->

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to ... [ca造 ->]

Signs that you may be a drunk! ->

*** Signs that you "just might" have a drinking problem. *** You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Your job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of b... [ca造 ->]

2 people walk into a bar... ->

2 people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.... [ca造 ->]

The grasshopper joke! ->

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".... [ca造 ->]

The Test! ->

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the ba... [ca造 ->]

Too many beers ->

So I said "Hey man, that's my beer." Then he says, "No man, that's my beer." Then the beers say, "No man, we're are own beers." That's when we realized we had too many beers.... [ca造 ->]

Trouble at the local bar... ->

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer. The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!" The... [ca造 ->]

Turnaround is fair play! ->

A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"... [ca造 ->]

What time does the bar open? ->

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he... [ca造 ->]

"Brrr!" ->

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager. The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes, "Brrr!". The guy orders ano... [ca造 ->]

7 Shots of Vodka! ->

Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka." The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them." The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk... [ca造 ->]

Anything you want! ->

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked ... [ca造 ->]

Bad News ->

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?" Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter?" The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I foun... [ca造 ->]

Celebration ->

A young man walks up and sits at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots! Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blow job." "Well, in that case, l... [ca造 ->]

Curly Toes ->

Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity. Well it wasn't long before they found themselves in bed making passionate ... [ca造 ->]